Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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