I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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