man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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