I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
