your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
