if only i could text you this smell
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
