if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
