My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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