Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
