So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
