Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
