I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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