The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
