those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize