I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
