he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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