I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
