You're completely useless in the revolution.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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