It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
