apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
