You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My vagina just clenched in fear
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
