69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
