Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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