every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
