1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Randomize
