Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
