You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
