the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
