He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
