Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
