I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
