Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize