I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
