I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
