ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
