I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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