i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize