He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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