I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
