so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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