Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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