____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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