My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
