My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
