so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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