the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
His hands were made for my vagina.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
