you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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