Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
