If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
