i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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