I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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