??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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