Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
