You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My cat gives me a boner
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
