i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This is my life. Enjoy the view
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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