Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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