Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
