hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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