I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
