Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
your like the ambassador to my penis.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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