Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
