just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
