What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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