Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
