i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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