last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
