I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
