i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
