what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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