But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
