Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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