I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
