I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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