Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
